'Tis the Season for the Elf
Don't send hate mail, I never did this. But it was fun to think about at 2am as I moved the elf!
‘Tis the season, that magical time of year
When the Elf on the Shelf comes, to spread Christmas cheer
His gangly red limbs, my boys do adore
His weird ass smile, I do deplore
Each night in panic, at midnight I wake
Rushing to move him, so much at stake!
My boys still believe, the magic is real
But I hate this elf, that’s just how I feel
Each night must be better than the one before
I’m out of ideas, I’ll scour the internet no more
So maybe this year Jingle comes with a letter
“I’m old these days and I’m not getting better
It’s all I can do to get here each night
So I’m staying put, in the line of sight
No more flour angels, no more Lego scenes
I’m old, I’m tired, and you know what that means?
I’m retiring next year, this Christmas is it
I’m moving to Maui; no more Christmas sh*t.”
He’ll sign it with love, my boys will cry
“Why is Jungle retiring Mommy, why oh why?”
I’ll look at their faces, all sweet and sad
And tell them it’s because their fighting made Jingle mad.
Perfect!!!